Engagement with people and places, skills and ideas, money and possessions is what grounds inner practice in reality. Well, we can, but eventually those issues will rise up and smack us in the face, like an insulted ingenue in a s movie.
Nor can we make detachment a synonym for indifference, or carelessness, or passivity. Instead, we can practice detachment as a skill—perhaps the essential skill for infusing our lives with integrity and grace. The Bhagavad Gita , which is surely the basic text on the practice of detachment, is wonderfully explicit on this point. Krishna tells Arjuna that acting with detachment means doing the right thing for its own sake, because it needs to be done, without worrying about success or failure.
The rest is not our business. At the same time, Krishna repeatedly reminds Arjuna not to cop out of doing his best in the role his destiny demands of him. In a sense, the Bhagavad Gita is one long teaching on how to act with maximum grace while under maximum pressure.
The Gita actually addresses many of the questions that we have about detachment—pointing out, for instance, that we are really supposed to give up not our families or our capacity for enjoyment but our tendency to identify with our bodies and personalities instead of with pure, deathless Awareness.
For instance, how do we fall in love and remain detached? What is the relationship between desire and detachment? What about social activism? Is it possible, for example, to fight for justice without getting caught up in anger or a sense of unfairness? Can we do that and still be detached? Then there are the really knotty issues, the situations that seem literally defined by attachment, like our relationship to our children or to our own bodies.
How do we work with attachments so visceral that to let go of them feels like letting go of life itself? I have a friend whose year-old son dropped out of school and now lives on the streets, choosing not to get a job. You can be loving, caring, interested in people, and yet keep a certain measure of detachment.
This would protect you from becoming too attached for your own good, or emotionally drained by negative people. People, who possess detachment, keep their poise when they run into problems or trouble. They accept the good and the bad equally, because their minds are in a state inner balance and peace. They do not get upset, if their plans do not turn out as expected. They try again, or look for a new approach.
It is always good to be, to a certain degree, and emotionally detached person. This will save you a lot emotional burden, manipulation and unpleasant feelings.
However, this should be accompanied by common sense, thinking, and not going to extremes. Additional information about emotional attachment.
The possession of this skill makes a person avoid stress, take care of his or her mental health, and keep healthier emotional connections. This affects personal relationship, day to day activities and all aspects of life in a positive way. When it comes to personal matters, and to matters that involve the emotions, it is hard to avoid getting affected and emotionally involved.
It is difficult to stay calm when people criticize you or disrespect you. It is also difficult to stay calm when people speak about their problems or share their anxiety, stress or negative feeling with you. However, with some training, you can teach yourself to stay calm, positive and affected by negative words, feelings or situations.
This attitude is most useful in daily life, at work, in the pursuit of ambitions and career, and of course, on the self improvement and spiritual paths. How do you feel, when somebody says something nasty or makes an unpleasant comment? You would probably become angry, unhappy, or feel hurt.
On the other hand, if you are able to stay detached, you will not be upset and disturbed. You will stay calm and would not waste hours thinking about their words. During that conversation, the other person may say something that causes you to have a reaction. Reaction is a split-second decision and often can lead to regret. Instead, take a deep breath and respond thoughtfully.
Just like smoking, quitting a relationship cold turkey can be painful and a shock to your system. For example, start by one day deleting pictures of the two of you. Another day, delete their old messages.
As you gently let go, your emotions will stay in check. In other cases — like if the relationship is traumatic or involves domestic abuse or mistreatment — moving slowly may make things worse and cause more distress.
Consider talking about next steps with a professional who specializes in these types of relationships. While it can be difficult to talk about them with other people, it can be helpful to work through your emotions in some way. A journal can be a great way to process your feelings in a healthy, cathartic way. Meditating can train your awareness and attention, which can be especially helpful during a highly emotional break-up.
Meditation can also increase your focus, reduce your stress, encourage calm, and help reduce negative feelings. Walking away from a relationship that was important to you can be challenging.
So, try to give yourself some grace and patience to move on. Remember that you can learn how to have healthy attachments. Sexual contact can strengthen your attachment and make it nearly impossible to successfully leave the relationship. As tempting as it might be to temporarily forget about the pain and work of leaving a relationship, alcohol and drugs provide only temporary forgetfulness of the problem.
In fact, if I truly detach, my substance abuser may feel and actually get worse. No matter. I keep the focus on me, my needs and how to keep my life in balance. Genuine detachment will not get a person into recovery or sustained sobriety. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.
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